The Fifth House
by epickumquat42
Summary: AU Fairy Tail is the fifth house of Hogwarts. How much chaos, mayhem, and destruction can one house cause? Why does Snape hate confetti? Why does Laxus have nightmares about dogpiles? Why is there an Umbridge-shaped hole in the wall? What will Malfoy's father be hearing about? Read to find out! Contains concentrated awesome, cartoon violence, hilarity, and teensy tiny baby spoilers
1. Hogwarts House Party

**I don't own anything! If did, they would both be much slashier *evil laughter***

**Tiny tiny spoiler for the Tenrou Island arc, so if you haven't gotten there yet and want it to be a total surprise, you have been warned.**

**This starts at the end of Dolores Umbridge's speech in the fifth book, just so we're clear.**

"And prohibit what must be prohibited."

Harry yawned as Umbridge finished her speech. He was about to ask Hermione what it meant when one of the older Fairies jumped up and shouted, "real men will never be prohibited!"

"That doesn't make any sense!" A brunette in a bikini top shouted back.

"Nonsense is manly!"

"Shut up!"

"Real men never shut up!"

"What is that supposed to mean!"

A red-headed girl wearing armor jumped onto the table and ordered them to stop fighting because they were disturbing her strawberry cake. They shrunk back into their seat and shouted terrified apologies.

"Fight me, Erza!" A pink-haired boy shouted and jumped on the table next to the girl.

"You stepped on my cake!" She sobbed and punched him hard enough to send him flying.

He made a rather spectacular landing in the teacher's mashed potatoes. Snape fell out of his chair in surprise, knocking over Flitwick's chair and starting a domino effect all the way down.

Everyone in the hall except Fairy Tail was shocked into silence; they continued shouting and laughing and throwing bits of food at each other as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened

"Remind me, were they always like this?" Harry whispered to Ron and Hermione.

"No. Most of their students, a teacher, and their head got frozen in time seven years ago, they were only just freed." Hermione whispered, as her usual, encyclopedia self.

"Must be the biggest trouble makers, They call 'em the Tenrou Team 'cause Tenrou Island is where they got frozen while they were fighting a bunch of super powerful dark wizard who trying to cast a spell to kill everyone without magic." Ron whispered, earning stares from everyone who had heard him spout suspiciously Hermione-like information. "Bill and Charlie used to go on and on about Fairy Tail, especially Titania, that's the girl in the armor."

A blue cat flew over to their table and held up a sign that said 'exposition', "this is what we call lazy exposition," it explained in a high voice to the air behind Harry, "it lets the reader know what's going on. Next, we'll see the 'inciting incident'," it switched to a sign that said 'inciting incident', "it gets the plot moving and catches the interest of the reader."

A blond girl with cleavage that was impossible to not notice and nearly impossible to not stare at stormed over to their table. "Happy, quit breaking the fourth wall! It ruins the realism for the readers and makes it hard to follow the story!"

"What story?" The blue cat asked with its head cocked innocently to the side.

"Shut up, kitty, or the writer will get you!" She shouted with a frankly terrifying expression on her face.

"I only wanted to apologize for the sloppy exposition!" The cat sobbed.

A large handlebar mustache appeared on the cat's face.

The blonde screamed and kicked the cat across the hall.

"Lushi, you're so mean!" It cried as it tumbled through the air.

A small, white cat walked over, "what did the male cat do this time?" She sighed.

"He was talking to readers again." The blonde sighed.

"I knew he would do that."

"Yeah, we all did, he just can't keep up the suspension of disbelief like any other halfway decent crossover character would."

The white cat nodded, they both walked back to their table.

Harry was the first to find his voice a full twenty minutes later, "what...just...happened...?"

Everyone shook their heads in total bewilderment. Somewhere on the other end of the hall, Snape was throwing a fit about not ordering mustached blue cat soup.

An old man as tiny as Flitwick jumped onto the the teachers table, a frothing mug of something raised to the students.

"Alright, Fairy Tail! We have seven years of fun to catch up on! And new nakama to welcome! So lets get this party started!"

He snapped his fingers and the enchanted ceiling of the great hall started flashing multicolor lights, dance music started blaring from somewhere, and a giant disco ball descended from the ceiling.

The roar of cheering from the Fairy Tail table was that of multiple freight trains all at once.

A girl with short lilac hair stood and shouted, "wood make: the scent of true love is midnight!"

Human-sized wooden noses erupted from the ground and pushed the tables, students included, into the far corners of the room, so the center was clear.

The brunette in the bikini stood and shouted, "card magic: the lovers, the magician, the fool, summoned fog!"

Fog poured into the room, giving the flashing lights an almost unearthly appearance.

The green-haired woman in yet another bikini stood and pulled out a rifle, "guns magic: confetti shot!" Confetti shot out of the rifle and started slowly drifting down, effectively turning everyone and everything into mutated rainbow monsters that bore striking resemblances to chicken suits.

They continued turning the great hall into a nightclub, they even produced a DJ who kept shout 'cool!', a DJ stand, and a fully prepared bar.

"This is against so many school rules I don't even know where to start." Hermione muttered from behind him.

"Don't know why you're complaining–" George said, his voice shaking with excitement.

"We've always wanted to go to a Fairy Tail party–"

"They're famous–"

"For all the wrong reasons–"

"Or infamous–"

"For all the right reasons–"

"So cut loose–"

"Enjoy yourself–"

"You only live once–"

"And what happens at a Fairy Tail party–"

"Stays at a Fairy Tail party–"

Hermione bristled, "and I suppose that's why they're serving alcoholic drinks to minors?" She pointed at the bar where a white-haired woman was handing frothing mugs to eager first years.

"Exactly, what's the point of a party if you don't get just a tad–"

"Very drunk–"

"So drunk you can see strait–"

"Or walk straight–"

"Or count past three–"

"And you can totally blame whatever you do on being drunk–"

"That is, if you remember it–"

"It'd be a shame not to–"

"Given all the busty beauties in Fairy Tail."

"I don't understand why the teachers aren't doing anything about this." She glared in the direction of Snape, who was trying to remove the confetti from his excessively greasy hair, Dumbledore, who was having dance battle with a guy in a turban, Hagrid, who was discussing the manliness of Blast-Ended Skrewts with the muscular white-haired guy, Trelawney, who was having an intense staring contest with the white cat, and the rest of the faculty, who was either completely ignoring the situation or in the process of getting hammered.

"I can see what you mean, but controlling them when they get into party-mode is impossible, even for Dumbledore or Mackarov. The teachers learned that long ago." Said a female voice behind them.

They turned to find the armored red-head from before.

"And who, exactly, are you?" Hermione asked huffily.

"Erza Scarlet," Erza extended her hand, "you may know me as Titania."

"T-titania," Ron stuttered, "the Titania?"

"Hermione Granger," Hermione said, taking her hand and obviously expecting a handshake. Instead she was pulled into a face-plant on Erza's chest plate, that could be misconstrued as a hug, with a metallic thud, "h-hard!" Hermione whispered.

"It will be pleasant to have you as a nakama for the remainder of our times here, I look forward to many grand adventures and many wonderful picnics!" Her eyes shone at the last word.

There was exceptionally loud shouting from the other side of the bar, what follows is a brief description of the ensuing fight, names are provided for the sake of clarity of the reader.

"Oi! Icicle, that's my seat!"

"I got here first, flame brain!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"My dear Gray is so lovely when he's fighting! Juvia might faint!"

"Yeesh, can't I enjoy a quiet drink?"

"You drink too much!"

"Real men drink with their fists!"

Everyone in hearing range (everyone in the school) fell silent in confusion, "that doesn't make any sense..." Evergreen said slowly.

"Real men don't make any sense!"

"You can say that again."

"Real men don't make any sense!"

"I didn't meant it literally!"

"Real men mean everything literally!"

"That much is obvious."

"Oi! Salamander! Watch where you're throwing tables!"

"It's not my fault if your head gets between my table and Gray!"

"Aye!"

"You were aiming that at me, magma moron?"

"So what if I was, popsicle pervert?"

"Who are you calling a pervert?"

"Probably the naked guy in the middle of the school." Cana said bluntly and reached for another pint, "this is why I'm single."

Gray looked down to find that he was, in fact, naked, "ack! Where'd my clothes go?"

"Geehee," Gajeel dangled the Gray's underwear in front of the owner's nose, "that's what you get for having tables thrown at me!"

"You too, Gajeel?" Levi sighed as Gray chased the iron dragon slayer around the room, trying to recapture his underwear.

"Shoo-bee-doo-ba! You'll never catch me!" He sang while Gray chased him, and Natsu chased Gray, then Gajeel then tripped on one of the leftover noses.

Laxus shouted in surprise as Gajeel, Gray, and Natsu landed on top of him.

"Are you fighting again?" Erza shouted. Everyone froze, even Fried, who was trying to save Laxus from the sudden dog pile.

"No!" Natsu looked up from his silent wrestling match, Gray's head still trapped between Natsu's legs in a bizarre hold that sounds much more perverted than it actually was, aside from the ice mage's lack of clothes, of course.

"Of–course–not–Er–za!" Gray choked, as he struggled to escape.

"My dear Gray even looks lovely when he's dying of asphyxiation!"

"If you're not fighting again, what are you doing?" Erza shot them a stern look.

"We're just... cuddling!" Gray finally answered.

"Aye!" Natsu nodded his head as vigorously as he could, given that Gray's hands were currently around his neck.

"It's Happy number two again!" Lucy shouted.

"I see, it's good to see you two getting along for once." She turned away and ordered a slice of strawberry cake from Mira, who was currently working behind the bar.

Meanwhile, Fried was trying to revive the partially crushed Laxus CPR; Natsu and Gray were still wrestling on the floor; Gajeel was nailing Gray's underpants to Dumbledore's podium; Happy was trying to convince Dumbledore to let him teach a class on fishing and napping; Lucy and Levi were reading the next chapter while Jet and Droy cheered them on.

"What do you think's wrong with Umbridge?" Ron asked Harry from one of the quieter corners of the hall.

"I dunno, she's just been standing there, like she's frozen, since Fairy Tail stared causing trouble. It's like she's seen a basilisk or something." Harry answered.

"I think she just shut down after seeing so much rule breaking all at once." Hermione put in. This did seem likely, based on what Harry had understood from her speech.

At some point after midnight, Natsu and Sting started arguing about nothing in particular, which led to the fighting, which led to other people joining in, which led to a all-out fight in which everyone in the room was either knocked out or fled before they could be.

**I've done it! I've officially dived into the realm of Fairy Tail fanfic! Well, I've officially stuck my toes in the water to test the temperature with a nice crossover!**

**What did you think? Should I continue? What other characters do you want to see? What do you want to see happen to said characters? Tell me! Review or I will mustache you too!**

**—XOXO your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	2. Transferred!

**All copyright materials belong to their respective owners, none of whom happen to be me**

Harry opened his eyes slowly. His body ached all over. Even with out his glasses, he could see that he was in the infirmary. Again.

"Oh, Harry, you're alive!" He heard Hermione shout from across the room. She ran over and carefully put on his glasses for him.

He looked around and saw that every bed was occupied and more were laid out on the floor. Everyone was heavily bandaged, even him. There was a pink haired boy on the bed next to him who looked more like a roll of toilet paper than a human.

"What happened?" He croaked, his throat was dryer than sand paper.

"Fairy Tail happened." Hermione said tersely.

"You're awake!" The blonde from last night shouted and came to look at him.

He repeated his question to her.

"Oh, you got caught in between Laxus's thunder dragon roar and Gajeel's iron dragon crushing fang. Madame Pomfrey and Miss Porlyusica weren't sure if you would make it. Thank Mavis, Wendy was still conscious." She continued rambling for a bit until she noticed that they were staring at her with vacant expressions. "I'm Lucy, by the way, Lucy Heartfilia."

"Hermione Granger."

"Harry Potter."

She was going to say something when the pink-haired boy behind her started groaning and swearing that he would kill whoever hit him with a frying pan.

Lucy turned around and started berating him for starting the fight in the first place and told him that anything that happened after was entirely his fault.

Harry shook his head, he was glad he'd never have anything to do with Fairy Tail again, aside from class, of course.

**/One Month Later/**

"What do you mean I'm transferred to Fairy Tail?" Harry shouted at his head of house.

"Professor Umbridge feels that your unacceptable behavior has gone unchecked for far too long, Mr Potter," McGonagall explained sharply, "and that, in her words, 'a week with those animals should teach him his place'."

He couldn't believe this, Quidditch trials were today, he was going to miss them.

"You can still try out for Gryffindor." She reassured him as if she had read his mind, "otherwise, you are a Fairy for the week and will act accordingly, you will attend classes with them, sit with them at meal times, and sleep in Fairy Tail tower." She flicked her wand at the door which flew open to reveal the same blonde whom he was beginning to suspect of stalking him. "Ms Heartfilia will help you with anything you need." She turned to Lucy, "take him to your common room and see that he is settled in."

Lucy nodded confirmation and motioned for Harry to follow her.

On the way, she gave him tips like, "don't touch Erza's cake" "don't let Gray borrow your underwear" and "don't mention any romantic issues to Mirajane", none of which made very much sense.

They reached a big Fairy Tail banner at the foot of a stairwell. Lucy held up her hand, and the pink Fairy Tail mark on it glowed, the mark on the banner glowed in response.

Lucy pushed him through the banner and into their common room, which was more like a large pub than anything. Empty barrels lay all around. A few guys old enough to be teachers were drinking and staring unashamedly at the white-haired barmaid. The brunette in the bikini was draining an entire barrel. A guy in a purple turban was dancing on one of the tables. A big guy with tribal paint on his face was staring at the announcement board with a confused expression. A guy was passed out drunk in a corner with a broom...never mind.

"Shouldn't they be in class or studying or something?" Harry whispered to Lucy, who merely shrugged.

"Oh, Lucy, welcome back!" The barmaid waved at them.

Lucy grinned and dragged him over to the bar, "Mira, this is Harry, he's our transfer for the week. Harry, this is Mirajane Strauss, former she-devil Mirajane and current glamor model for Sorcerer Weekly."

Harry nodded, unsure of what to say, he'd seen some copies of Sorcerer Weekly in the boys' bathroom, but he'd never really looked through it.

"Say, Mira, where is everyone?"

"Quidditch tryouts, I was about to go over if you want to join me."

Lucy nodded eagerly and told Harry that Gryffindor's were right after Fairy Tail's, so he should come along too, "besides," she whispered conspiratorially, "our tryouts are always such a blast!"

That was how Harry ended up sitting in the stands next to two blue-haired girls, a blue-haired guy, and a green-haired guy, watching the tryouts.

They were introduced to him as Wendy Marvel, Levi McGarden, Jellal Fernandes, and Fried Justine.

Harry watched the Fairies fly around the field with mild interest until he noticed something very strange. "Why aren't those five on brooms?" He pointed at the students who seemed to have wings attached to their backs.

"You mean Natsu, Gajeel, Laxus, Rogue, and Sting?" Jellal asked.

Harry shrugged, he didn't really know their names, "the ones with wings instead of brooms."

"That's them. They all get awful motion-sickness on vehicles, so Dumbledore made a rule that Exceeds could replace brooms if the player and Exceed are both willing."

"Exceeds?" Harry felt like he was a first-year again, new to everything magical.

"The talking cats with wings, you must've seen them around."

Harry blinked several times. How could he say something so crazy so nonchalantly?

Wendy sighed sadly, "Charle decided to help Laxus so he could tryout."

Fried nodded with tears of joy swelling in his in his eyes, "she is truly wonderful," he sobbed.

Mirajane flew to the middle of the pitch, "now that you've all had a chance to warm up, lets start with chaser tryouts. I'm the keeper, and anyone who wants to be a chaser tries to score." She shouted.

Harry shifted in his seat as to have a better view. This was the interesting part.

Then Mira shouted something that sounded like "santa soul". Deep purple magic circles appeared above and below her. Her image flickered like a television with bad reception, then was replaced by a completely different picture. This Mirajane had hair going straight up, a revealing, skin-tight suit, a crack over one eye, and claw-like gauntlets for hands.

Bat-like wings appeared on her back and she flew up in front of one of the goals.

About a third of the group flew off the field to watch in nervous anticipation.

"First three to score make the team!" Mira shouted with a devilish grin. "Begin!"

There was utter chaos with spells flying everyone, people flying everyone, swords made of ice flying everywhere. Harry didn't really understand where those last ones were coming from, nor could he see because the air was so thick with dust and flashes of light.

"Stop!" Mira's voice came thundering through the turmoil, everyone froze in place almost immediately, "chasers for this year are Lucy, Juvia, and Gray!"

"Juvia and Gray-sama are teammates!" The girl who was presumably Juvia shouted, she started muttering the details of a future steamy encounter in the showers after winning the House Cup.

Lucy muttered something about an over-active imagination.

"Romantic rival!" Juvia screamed and started chasing Lucy around the pitch, throwing spontaneously-generated water balloons.

The guy who was almost definitely Gray made an igloo appear and crawled inside to hide from the embarrassment.

"Beater tryouts!" Mira shouted happily, ignoring the weird, love-triangle thing that was happening on the pitch right now. "Last two standing make the team! You can only use bludgers to take someone out!" She glared at the red-haired girl in armor and the green-haired girl in a bikini. "Begin!"

Half of the remaining hopefuls flew onto the field. In less than two minutes of absolute pandemonium, only the red-haired girl in armor and the guy with an unbelievable number of piercings were left conscious.

Jellal and Levi jumped up and whooped, then they both blushed and sank back into his seat. All in perfect sync. Harry had half a mind to ask if they'd planned it.

"Finally, keeper tryouts! Anyone who can block three attacks from me gets the position!"

The rest of the Fairies grumbled and poured into to the field.

"Two at a time!"

It took almost the minutes to fill the keeper position. Laxus got really close, until a direct hit from Mirajane sent him and the quaffle flying through the goal, while Fried sobbed quietly. Finally, Natsu was declared the new keeper, but Harry wasn't really sure if incineration was a valid method of blocking.

"Are all Fairy Tail Quidditch games that insane?" He asked Lucy on their way to supper.

"What do you mean? That was really tame, at least by Fairy Tail standards."

Harry shook his head, he couldn't picture even having a chance against these monsters. Then he shuddered from a sudden realization, Fairy Tail was playing against Gryffindor next match. He was fairly certain he and his team were doomed.

They walked into the great hall, where Natsu and Gray had started a pie-throwing war that looked a bit too deadly.

"Banana cream pies are real men!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Real men don't make any sense!"

"You can say that again!"

"Real men don't make any sense!"

"I didn't mean it literally!"

"Natsu! Help! We're stuck in a running gag!"

"Oi, Salamander! Watch where you're throwing cherry pies!"

"Afraid you'll rust, scrap metal freak?"

"Don't go starting another fight when you're in the middle of one, squinty eyes! You have the attention span of a Flobberworm!"

"What did you just call me, popsicle pervert?"

"I'm sorry, that was offensive to Flobberworms everywhere."

"Why you–"

"My cake!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Harry sighed. He would be beyond lucky if he survived a week in Fairy Tail.

**Another chapter! Yay! Review! Tell me what you thought and give suggestions for what should happen next!**

**Lizzie2145: your noble sacrifice will not be in vain, I will continue this story! *epic music***

**Gin: I have no idea what you're talking about**

**sexyblossom08: I will try to include some NaLu fluff, but it might get cut out cuz my editor Sparrow is more of a NaLi and LoLu fan, I'm not too big on LaLu but who knows...insanity is a likely thing in my fics! *evil laugh***

**SakuraLeRoux: I'm sorry, the only languages I'm fluent in are randomness, moronic, and geeky fangirl**

**MissMusica: I will!...I mean I have...I mean...I don't know what I mean...Thanks so much!**

**Until next time!**

**—XOXO your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


	3. Where in the World Is Dolores Umbridge?

**Everything belongs to whoever actually made it!**

Now it was time for what Harry had really been dreading: class.

As soon as they walked into the defense against the dark arts classroom, the annoying little cough of Umbridge's came from the other end of the room, "Mr Dragneel, what do you think you're wearing?"

"My scarf." Natsu answered simply.

Lucy, Harry's temporary desk partner, slid under her desk. He didn't ask her why, he'd given up questioning the odd behavior of Fairy Tail yesterday.

"That scarf is not a part of the dress code."

In reply, Natsu sat down with his hands behind his head and his feet on the desk.

"I will have to confiscate it."

Suddenly Natsu was standing, his snarling face only inches away from her simpering smile. She extended her hand like she actually expected him to hand it over. Natsu smiled and, with one swift punch, sent her flying through the window.

The Fairies cheered and pulled various activities out from under their desks. Lucy came out from under her desk with a big box of cupcakes a barrel of something Hermione would definitely not approve of.

"Did you know that would happen?" Harry asked, still a bit stunned.

Fairy Tail never did joint classes with the other houses, now he had an idea as to why.

She shrugged and bit into a cupcake, "something like it generally does, so this time I brought snacks."

"Cupcakes are manly!"

"That's Elfman," Lucy whispered to him, pointing at the muscular guy with white hair and a scar over one eye, "and those are his sisters, Lisanna and Mirajane," she pointed at the two white haired girls who were chatting with the brunette in the bikini. "And Cana is our house's biggest drinker." Lucy continued pointing out students and explaining the cliques like Team Shadow Gear, Team Natsu, the Thunder Legion, Sabertooth which used to be an elitist club in Slytherin until 'complicated stuff' happened and they became a Fairy Tail clique, and Crime Sorcière which was comprised of students who'd either been or been sentenced to Azkaban at some point.

Just as Harry decided to have a cupcake, Umbridge stormed back into the classroom; she was soaking wet and had a fish in her pocket. Happy cheered and grabbed it.

"Detention!" She screeched.

Happy froze, the fish tail sticking out of his mouth, "I figured you weren't gonna eat it." He said sadly, offering her the skeleton.

"All of you have detention for the rest of the month!"

Levi pulled a schedule from her pocket and scanned it, "we're not free for the next six months. I bet we could squeeze you in next year–"

"Unless something comes up." Lucy added.

"Right, you never know with natural disaster and impending wars–"

"And parties–" Cana added.

"And picnics–" was Erza's contribution.

"And weddings–" Juvia said dreamily.

"No!"

"But Gray-sama!"

"No!"

"Juvia is so sad!" She started sobbing.

"Gray, you jerk!"

"You made her cry!"

"You're always making girls cry!"

"You're worse than Loke!"

A guy in a suit appeared in a flash of golden light and scooped Lucy off her feet. "You called, my love?"

"No! I'm not your love! Put me down!" She pummeled on his chest.

"In loooooove!"

"We are not! Forced closure!" She waved a gold key in front of her face and Loke disappeared. Lucy fell on the ground with a splash. Only then did Harry realize that Juvia's tears were slowly flooding the room.

Gajeel jumped on a desk and shouted for Gray to do something before he started to rust.

During all this, Umbridge's face had been getting redder and redder. "Enough! Silence! All of you! I will have order!" She pulled out her wand and started throwing hexes at them.

Harry clambered onto one of the desks that was now serving as lifeboats in the impromptu swimming pool of a room. "Does stuff like this always happen in Fairy Tail?"

"You haven't seen the half of it." Lucy answered sadly.

"You'd think such a crazy house would have a bigger impact on the wizarding world, like you guys would've stopped Voldemort before the first war or something."

"I know right?"

Happy flew over and dropped a lampshade on Harry's head.

"Happy, what did I say about the fourth wall?" She shouted, waving her arms trying to catch to cat who was flying circles over her.

"Lucy, quit rocking the boat!"

"I'm not the one rocking the boat! That kitty is the one making the readers wonder if there is any consistent narrative or actual plot on this story!"

"No, you're actually," at that point, Lucy had disturbed the balance of their desk-boat too much and they were both dumped in the water, "rocking the boat."

"Oh, sorry."

"Gray, do something!" Lucy shouted.

Juvia stopped sobbing and turned on Lucy with an evil glint in her eye. "Romantic rival! You thought you could make a move on Gray-sama while Juvia wasn't looking, huh?"

"No! No! No!"

"Water slicer!"

Lucy screamed and ducked under the water to avoid the razor jets of water coming at her head.

Unfortunately, Harry was too slow to completely dodge the water slicer and narrowly missed having his head sliced off. His hair, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. He was now sporting the latest in 'nearly got decaptitated' hairstyles.

"Open, gate of the water bearer, Aquarius!"

A mermaid with blue hair and a large, golden urn appeared in a flash of golden light. "I thought I told you not to call me for the rest of the month, girl!"

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! It's just–"

"I was in the middle of a date with my boyfriend. My boyfriend."

"No need to say it twice! Could you please–"

"Tch. If you weren't so rude, maybe you could get a boyfriend."

"What did you just say?"

"If you weren't so rude, maybe you could get a boyfriend."

"No need to say it twice!"

Aquarius glared at Lucy and raised her urn. Harry only had time to think, _something really bad is going to happen_, before a massive tidal wave washed him and everyone and everything else out of the window and into the Black Lake.

"Don't call me again for another two weeks, I'm going on a trip with my boyfriend. My boyfriend."

"Stop repeating boyfriend!"

Aquarius rolled her eyes and disappeared in a flash of golden light.

Harry and the others swam to shore and tried to avoid Natsu's 'help' in getting dry.

"Look's like we have a free period now!" Lucy said brightly.

"Library!" Levi cheered and ran off, closely followed by Jet and Droy who were cheering 'library' again and again.

Lucy grabbed him, Erza, Gray, Natsu, and Wendy and ran after Levi.

He was dragged all the way to the library, where he was greeted by the identical death glares of Hermione and Madam Pince.

Ginny came up behind the terrifying women, "merlin, Harry! What happened? You've haven't been in Fairy Tail a whole yet and you're already soaking wet, covered in seaweed, your clothes are burnt, and you hair looks like someone attacked you with a chainsaw!"

"You don't know Fairy Tail." Harry said wearily, launching into an explanation of everything that had happened so far.

**Hello, beautiful people!**

**I have to cut this one short cause I'm going to visit family a few states away, on the same note, I'll be totally out of wifi range for maybe a week, so no updates or anything.**

**Until next time!**

**—XOXO your friendly neighborhood kumquat**


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